Memories can kill
by Lily Potter4
Summary: An innocent man suffers in Azkaban , A woman runs away from a life she wishes to forget ...can he make her come back ? Even when she thinks he's a murderer ? Part 4 is up , and it takes place before the rest of the story , sort of a prequel , what compell
1. Memories Can Kill

Memories Can Kill

Memories Can Kill

  
  


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Memories can make you go crazy

Memories can torture you

Memories can console you

Memories can help you

Memories can kill you ...

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**I don't want to talk **

**About things I've gone through**

**Though it's hurting me**

**Now it's history**

  
  


"Oh James ... What happened ?"

This is something I still can't figure this out. One day he is there, eating ice cream out of the carton , the next he is dead and lying under a brick wall. One day , I am sitting in their kitchen , holding Harry , while James apologized to him for his hair , the next I am sitting in Azkaban , accused of my best friend's death. What happened ...?

  
  


**I've played all my cards**

**And that's what you've done too**

**Nothing more to say**

**No more ace to play**

  
  


That stupid Peter. If I ever get out of here , I will ... A wave of anger washed over me. It was a hot boiling inside of me. Memories - they were what I lived on in here. All cell mates lived on memories , but I knew I was innocent , so I still had a few good ones left.

  
  


_"Sirius Black"_

_I stood up , ready to get my Diploma. Dumbledore hugged me , and handed me a piece of parchment. It was tied wih a red and gold ribbon -_

_Gryffindor colours. _

_"Congratulations Sirius. 3rd over all marks. I would never have expected it from you , Mr. I - Never - Study."_

_But his blue eyes were twinkling , and I laughed along with him._

_'Don't worry , neither did I"_

  
  


Graduation. That had been nice. James , Lily , Remus , Emilie , Peter , ma and Daniella ... 

  
  


_James , Lily , me and Daniella sat in the common room , watching Remus trounce Peter at wizard chess. It was the Christmas Holidays , and we were the only ones there. Dani was cuddled up against me , and I enjoyed the way it seemed meant to be. We didn't talk , we didn't say anything. Neither did Lily and James. We sat there , quiet for the moment, lost in our own little world. We all understood each other , just for that moment_.

  
  


**The winner takes it all**

**The loser has to fall**

**Beside the Victory**

**That's the destiny**

  
  


Slow , witless Peter. He is out there , supposedly dead , honoured with the Order of Merlin , 1st Class , when he was the one who murdered all those people. Azkaban had begun to work it's spell on me long ago. All I could think of was Peter and James ...

  
  


_James ... no James ! Come back James !! As I flew over to their house , I could tell that something was wrong. And when I saw the smoke , I knew... I landed , not really knowing what I was doing. Everything was hazy - I couldn't see anything for a minute. But then - there was Lily , lying in the ground , her arms cradling the air , as if she had died holding something , protecting something. I could feel myself blanch , and I began to cry. I ran around , looking for something that I didn't want to find. And there , right where the front door used to be, was James. He was as untouched as Lily had been , but his whole right side was covered in rubble - crushed. Blood seeped out into the wreckage , from where his head was. I let out an anguished scream - "Nooooooooooo!"_

  
  


James was my barrier. He always got me out of messes I had made , always made me feel better. I was safe with him. Without him, I was nothing. So now I was nothing. Just Sirius Black.

  
  


**I was in your grip**

**Thinking I belonged there**

**I figured it made sense**

**Building me a fence**

  
  


**Building me a home**

**Thinking I'd be strong there**

**But I was a fool**

**Playing by the rules**

  
  


I never thought you would die. And what about Dani ? I never thought..

  
  


_"Oh Sirius. I love you."_

_That was the first time she had ever said that. It was right after my parents were murdered , and I had needed some werious cheering up. She had always been there._

_"Oh Dani ..."_

_"I know. I know."_

_I pulled her towards me , smelling her hair. It smelled like Strawberries and rain - typical Dani._

_"Oh Dani , don't leave me."_

_"Don't worry Sirius. I won't leave you. I never will."_

_But when I had been put in here , I heard she had left. She had testified against me , before leaving for America, and hasn't been heard from since._

  
  


**The Gods may throw the dice**

**Their minds as cold as ice**

**And someone way down here**

**Loses someone dear**

  
  


**The winner takes it all**

**The loser has to fall**

**It's simple and it's plain**

**Why should I complain**

  
  


I suppose I should get used to it. After all , I will be here until I die. In this timeless place , this place where Peter should be , not me.

  
  


_" James , you have to switch your secret keeper to Peter. I fear Remus may be the one. And I also think that Voldermort may suspect me. I would rather die for you , than see you and Lily die."_

_"As I would for you. And I have one more favor to ask of you before you leave. If anything should happen to us , can you please take care of Harry?"_

_"Nothing will happen to you."_

_"Please Sirius. Just in case. Lily and I have talked about it for a long time , and we have decided to make you Harry's God father - if you will."_

_"Of course. But it will be for no reason. Voldermort is not going to get you. I promise."_

  
  


**Somewhere deep inside**

**You must know I miss you**

**But what can I say**

**Rules I must obey**

  
  


Dani .... She I missed so much. We had been best friends before we went out. I was with her for 4 years. And on October 31 , 1981

  
  


_"Remus is one of my best friends Sirius ! As well as one of yours ! How dare you accuse him !"_

_"I wasn't accusing him !"_

_"Yes Sirius. Yes you were. 'Remus is the spy. I just know it. It all fits'. Those were your exact words. Next thing you know , I am going to be a Death Eater to you too."_

_'Dani-"_

_"No Sirius. You listen. Don't give me that look either. I don't want you to die either. You can't be the Secret Keeper. Let Dumbledore. I don't want you to leave me too. I have already lost everything."_

_"Dani - if I lose James , I lose everything."_

_"Then don't say you love me. Don't say it , because I am obviosly not worth it."_

_"Dani - I didn't mean it that way"_

_"That's right Sirius. You never mean anything you say."_

_And she walked out._

Those were the last words she ever said to me.

  
  


**The judges will decide**

**The likes of me abide**

**Spectators of the show**

**Always staying low**

  
  


**The game is on again**

**A love or a friend**

**A big thing or a small**

**The winner takes it all**

  
  


So , I was stuck in this hell hole of a place , while Peter was out there, carried away by his own cleverness. So I lost to him. And he won.

Fudge swept in examining the Prisoners.

'Excuse me Minister. Could I maybe have your newspaper? I missed doing the crossword."

He seemed shocked. Wordlessly , he handed it to me. He opened his mouth to ask me a question, then thought better of it , and closed it.

  
  


**I don't want to think about it**

**Because it makes me feel sad**

**And I understand**

**You've come to shake my hand**

  
  


**I apologize**

**If it makes you feel bad**

**Seeing me so tense**

**No self confidence**

  
  


Fudge seemed almost as though he cared ... but no. I was just a murderer in his eyes. As I was in everyone's eyes.

  
  


_Dani and I were playing tag with the rest of our friends. Dani sneaked up behind me and tagged me, also suceeding in pushing me in the lake._

_Dripping wet, I pulled myself out of the lake._

_"I'll kill you !" I screeched , half laughing._

_"No you won't ! I don't love a murderer !"_

_"Oh ? Try Me ?" And I chased after her._

And now , she must think she did love a murderer.

  
  


**But you see**

**The winner takes it all**

  
  


**The game is on again**

**A lover or a friend**

**A big thing or a small**

**The winner takes it all**

  
  


So Peter won. And I lost it all - Dani , James , Lily , trust - my old life. I had lost it all.

  
  


**The Winner Takes It All**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. On My Own

On my own 

On my own 

  
  
  
  


**On my own**

**Pretending he's beside me**

**All alone**

**I walk with him till morning**

  
  


I cursed the day I ever met Sirius Black. He could have killed me too. After all , I was alone with him all those times. I had never thought he would be a murderer ; and sometimes , my mind tells me he is , but me he's not.

  
  


**Without him**

**I feel his arms around me**

**And when I lose my way**

**I close my eyes and he has found me**

  
  


Sometimes , I find myself wishing he was here with me. At other times , I wish he had killed me too , so I could be with Lily and James , and the rest of my friends , in heaven , instead of in Boston , alone and friendless.

  
  


_Graduation. The best night of my life. But also the saddest. During the party, the 6 of us stepped outside to get away from the noise , and I began to cry softly. James was the one who noticed first._

_"Oh Dani , don't cry."_

_"I have to ! What if I never see all the people I have grown up with again ? What if this is the last night all 6 of us are together ? What if -"_

_This time it was Sirius who spoke , holding me to him._

_"Dani , we'll be together until we die. I promise."_

But he had been wrong.

  
  


**In the rain**

**The pavement shines like silver**

**All the lights**

**Are misty in the river**

  
  


All the nights I had cried over what I had said on October 31 , and I didn't know why. I had walked out on him , after a big fight we had. It was horrible , he told me that if he lost James , he would lose everything , and me, being the emotional teen I was , took it that he didn't love me. Oh , how I had mulled over it all those hours I had to myself. I truly believe that, murderer as he was , he had loved me. But no one could know that.

  
  
  
  
One day at Hogwarts I remember the most.

  
  


_James , Sirius , Remus ,Lily and I had been lying on top of the Astronomy tower the night before graduation. It had been ver warm that night , and we were lying with our feet against the fence._

_I was almost asleep , and had been lying with my eyes closed_

_"Sirius ?"_

_"Yeah Prongs ?"_

_"Just checking to see if you were awake."_

_"Yeah . Just thinking."_

_"I bet I know what about ."_

_"Oh ? Humor me."_

_"You were thinking about how lucky you were to have Dan."_

_Sirius sounded shocked. "How did you know ?"_

_"It was written all over your face. You were right. She does look like an angel."_

_"Hey. She is mine. You have Lily. Leave Dani for me." But he was laughing._

_"I know. I love Lily more than anything in the world."_

_"That is exactly how I feel. I would be lost if I lost her."_

  
  


So I wonder if that's what he thinks now. I wonder what he does think , if he does at all.

  
  


**And I know**

**It's only in my mind**

**That I'm talking to myself and not to him**

  
  


Sometimes , I want Sirius there , when I am watching TV alone. I want Sirius there too cuddle with me. To tell me everything is alright. My head is

telling me I hate him , but my heart is telling me I love him.

  
  


**I love him**

**But when the night is over**

**He is gone**

**The river's just a river**

  
  


_The trial took place in one of the dungeons at the ministry , a cold and gloomy place , fitting for the subject at hand. I was called to the stand as the first witness._

_"Do you swear to tell the truth , the whole truth , and nothing but the truth , so help you God ?"_

_"I do."_

_"Was Sirius Black the Potter's Secret Keeper ?"_

_"Yes he was."_

_"Dd he ever show signs of wanting to kill them ? Reasons , ect.?"_

_"No . He seemed very defendant of them. He was constantly musing over who could be the spy , and it had been hi-im." My voice broke , and I began to shake , dangerously close to crying. Remus came up and wrapped me in a hug._

_"Leave her be." Crouch barked._

_"You idiot ! She has obviously been tormented long enough ! Can't you just leave her alone ?"_

  
  


I woke up shaking. I had been having these dreams many times lately , and they scared me. Tears coursed down my face. Again.

  
  


I had always had bad dreams about Sirius , especially right after it happened. I had nightmares about the day he asked me to marry him. Nightmares about the time I had spent with him at Hogwarts. Nightmares about him in general - every second I remembered looking at him , hugging him , talking to him. Every Christmas gift I had given him I thought a waste of money. Every second I had spent with him I considered a waste of time.

After all , who wouldn't ? Someone who is your fiancee goes and murders your best friend , 13 others , and lands himself in the most notorious wizard prison in the world. But lately the nightmares seem to have gotten worse.

They weren't necessarily about Sirius , but about what happened after. They

also began to change in a way , as if some organ in my brain knew that he wasn't the murderer , and it was trying to tell me. But they also continued to get worse. Sirius would be different now. He would be crazy. He wouldn't be the Sirius he was before he ruined his life - and mine.

  
  


**Without him **

**The world around me changes**

**The trees are bare and Everywhere**

**The streets are full of strangers**

  
  


I have been in America for over 10 years now. And I haven't one friend. I am too afraid of being hurt again. I turned to work , and I became so obsessed with it that I am doing very well. But it isn't enough. I want to talk to Remus again. I still have some contact with the English world. I had the Daily prophet delivered to me , and I find it quite useful.

  
  
**I love him**

**But everyday I'm learning**

**All my life**

**I've only been pretending**

  
  


I wonder what my life would have been like with out Sirius. It would probably be as lonely and tiresome as it is now.

  
  


**Without me**

**His world will go on turning**

**The world is full of happiness that I have never known**

  
  


_"Sweetie , what's wrong ? You have been crying all day ?"_

_"Oh Sirius , my parents are dead."_

_"What ?!?!"_

_"They were murdered last night. I just got the letter today."_

_"Oh honey..."_

_"Sirius. You are the only one left. The only one ..._

_He didn't say anything. He just hugged me . We rocked back and forth as I sobbed into his shirt._

  
  


**I love him**

**I love him**

**I love him**

  
  


And owl flew in , carrying my Daily Prophet. I glanced at the headline.

  
  


**But only on my own**

  
  


SIRIUS BLACK HAS ESCAPED FROM AZKABAN !!!!!


	3. Reunion ... ?

Reunions

REUNION

  
  


It was close to 2 years after Sirius had escaped. He had eluded the grasping fingers and watchful eyes of the ministry, until he was caught at Hogwarts - where he had been to kill Harry. God Sirius, what happened to you. You used to be so fun loving, the first to laugh, play jokes on people, but always the first to apologize if the person was your friend. Now you get thrown in Azkaban for murdering James and Lily, then after 12 years in that place, you escape to murder your best friend's son. What changed in you? Did James really do something that horrible to you? Or were you just acting on your master's instructions? Well Sirius, I hope you are happy with him. He deserves you.

  
  


Sirius sat in the cave by Hogsmead , eating the chicken Harry had recently sent him via Hedwig. Life was just as hard for him as it normally was, living off rats and such. But he had to make sure that nothing was going to happen to Harry in his 5th year. It was only September, but already shreds of evidence pointing to Voldermort's return were showing. In Hogsmead, everything was tightly secured, and people hurried about their business, as though they wanted to get home soon, and not get caught loitering in an alley. Especially as they didn't want Voldermort to turn up and to another Mass Murder spree. Or him. People expected that Sirius Black had returned to Voldermort, and was his right hand man again. Ha! If only they knew the truth. Sirius had changed in Azkaban. He used to be carefree and fun, back when he was young. Now he was cynical, easily annoyed, and mistrusting. Maybe it was just the fact that he was older. Or maybe it was all he had seen in Azkaban, all he had heard ; all he had witnessed. He had seen his best friend and his wife dead. He had watched Wormtail murder 12 people. He had seen stuff in Azkaban that he never wanted to think about again.

But there were things he wanted to see again. Things he wanted to know about. He wanted to see Dani more than anything. More than the world. He had never really thought about it - he had been too absorbed in self misery - but, what had she gone through? He had seen the change in Remus, but what about her? She thought her ex - fiancee a murderer. Damn Wormtail. All those wasted years! He should have married her while he had the chance. Now no one will ever go near him again.

  
  


I Hate Sirius! I Hate Sirius! I Hate Sirius! The number of times I could say that - it would be forever. But I knew inside that I never would be able to hate him fully. I had been too much in love with him. But that was a long time ago, right? I wasn't sure of it anymore. After the shock of him escaping had passed, I half wanted him to come and visit me. But if he did, would I kill him? Before he had another chance to hurt me?

  
  


Oh, I want to talk to Dani. To be near her again. To even see her for a minute. Dumbledore knew I wanted too and warned me against it. After all, no one in the English Ministry had seen or heard from her in 10 years. As well, she, like many others, believed me the murderer. He hoped that she had known that he wasn't, but deep inside he knew that she did. After all, I had left our house in a rage that day. I was mad enough to kill anyone.

  
  


"_That's right Sirius. You never mean anything you say."_

_And she walked out._

_I stormed out after her, and saw her sobbing in the arm chair near the fireplace._

_"I'll be back later, Honey" My voice was icy cold, and sarcastic. I saw her wince, just before I slammed the door._

_I made my way to James house, smashing things out of my way with my wand. By the time I got there, I was calmer, but not much. I pounded on the door, and Lily pulled it open, carrying Harry in her arms._

_"Sirius. What's wrong?"_

_"Stupid, stupid Dani! I hate her so much!"_

_"Well padfoot, I never expected that from you"_

_"Shut up Prongs. Want to swap your perfect life for my horrible one?"_

_"No thanks Padfoot. I am perfectly happy with my perfect life." He kissed Lily on the cheek, and reached out to hold Harry. I felt a wave of jealousy burning up inside of me. Why couldn't Dani and I be like that?_

_I left soon after for the flat Remus and I shared when I wasn't with Dani, to calm down before I went to apologize to her. But I never got the chance. She never knew..._

She never knew.

***

  
  


"Oh hey Pickles"

I grabbed the letter that was tied to his leg and began to read it. It was from Dumbledore. How he had found me I knew not, but I didn't care. For so long I wanted to talk to my old friends, but had been too embarrassed to do so.

  
  


Dear Ms. Milano,

This is Professor Dumbledore. It has taken me 2 long years to find you, and I have finally managed to do so. We need you back in our service as aurors. We are greatly in need of more , as most were killed in his last uprising, or they have gone missing. Also, I have someone you may want to meet. Or, I daresay, you may not. Anyway, here is your muggle plane ticket, should you decide to come. If you do so, please catch the train from Platform 9 3/4 on October 11. Please come. I have been reduced to begging. Many people here want to see you again.

  
  


- Albus

  
  


October 11! That gave me little over a week to decide. Well, my decision didn't take very long. Within 5 minutes I had decided that I would go. I was going back to the life I had run away from 10 long years ago.

***  
  


"Yes, Sirius, she is coming back. I just got her owl. However, I must warn you that she will have changed, as you have. She was hurt very badly by you, and chances are, she will not just accept your innocence. Be prepared for the worst.

" But I didn't murder them!"

"You know that. I know that. Harry knows that. She doesn't."

"But she knows me so well..."

"She probably thinks that she doesn't know you as well as she thought she did. And you can't blame her."

" I know. But remember, I was hurt too. She wasn't the only one."

"I never forgot"

Sirius bade goodbye to Dumbledore and went down to Remus' office - in dog form. He knocked on the door. The school had been told that Dumbledore had a new dog, so no one payed any real attention to him except to pet him. He was free to wander the halls, but sometimes he preferred the cave. He would stay there for months on end, just thinking. He liked the quiet - something else that had changed. At school, he had always wanted to be around people, making loud noises and being in the thick of things. But after 12 years of people screaming in their sleep next to him, he loved to be alone, to just....be.

  
  


Doomsday. October 11. Oh, why had I made my decision so rashly? I didn't really wanted to go back to England, didn't really want to go back to what she had left behind. But as she stood in front of Platform 9 3/4, I knew I had no choice. I stepped through the barrier, the familiarity of it enveloping her like a warm hug. She made her way down the train, and sat in an empty compartment. It would stay empty. After a few hours the cauldron cake lady came, and I chose out some Bertie Bott's every flavour beans, chocolate frogs, and drooble's best blowing gum. They had been Sirius' favourite....

I fell asleep, but woke up just as we were pulling into the station . I could see Dumbledore waiting for me. I stepped off the train, into the world I never wanted to be in again. Dumbledore held out his arms, and I ran into them, crying softly. He had been like a father to me, and I had missed him so much. I pulled away, wiping tears from my face stupidly. Then I noticed who was standing behind him. It was Remus Lupin.

"RRRREEEEEEMMMMMUUUUUSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh Dani. I missed you so much."

"Oh Remus! I am sooooo sorry. But I had to get away from it. I had to get away from it all."

"It'sO.K. Dani. I forgive you. I don't know how I got through it, but I did. And here I am. A teacher."

I just then noticed all the streaks of grey in his hair, and the lines around his eyes.

"Oh Remus. I feel so horrible for abandoning you. But, I couldn't think about Sirius any more. Everywhere I went, everything I did, reminded me of him. And I wanted to forget about it."

"Enough apologies. Let's go inside and get caught up. How about it?"

"Sounds great"

He grabbed my hand, and we ran up to the castle, leaving Dumbledore there . We laughed like children, and I laughed like I haven't laughed in close to 10 years.

  
***

I paced the cave, in dog form. So she would be here. But I knew I couldn't see her. She would probably take out her wand and Avada Kedavra me if I just walked up to her and said

"Hi Dani! It's Sirius. Remember me?"

I thought back to Dumbledore's words ' she has been hurt very deeply by you'. These words made me very angry. It's not as though I have been living in the Carribean on the beach. I wanted to see her so badly I had to force myself to stay in the cave. She was a 10 minute walk away, and I was sitting here, doing nothing. I knew I would regret this later. What if she decided to go back to America without my ever seeing her? I know. I'll go up to the castle, and stay in my Dog form. I just need to see her, even if only for a second.

I ran up to the castle , and ran in the front door. The students were at dinner, so I was free to roam the halls. Not knowing where she might be, I decided to go to Remus' office. When I reached there, I pulled the door open.

  
***

I sat with Remus at his desk, sipping butterbeer. He was just telling me all about Harry and his adventures, when a big black dog walked in. Remus blanched.

"Who's is that? And what's wrong?'

"Oh, uh, that's Dumbledore's dog. I'm just, well, afraid of it."

He glanced at the dog, and if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought he sent the dog a warning look. I couldn't help but think the dog looked vaguely familiar. Like something out of a memory. But as soon as it had come, it left.

"Remus - is there something about that dog that I should know about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it just seems to me that I knew something about it. Once upon a time..."

"Well. It's new." He said this very stiffly.

I fell silent.

"Come on Dani. Let's just talk."

I smiled, and he continued to tell me about Harry.

  
***

I walked hurriedly up to Dumbledore's office. I quickly turned back into a man, whispered the password 'acid pop' and barged through. I found Dumbledore sitting in his armchair by the fire, looking calm.

"So you have seen her I take it..." He was still facing the fire.

"Yes. Yes I have. And my heart broke . It shattered. I can't take it. I had looked forward for a week for this. But now that's she is here, I almost don't want her to be. Things change you know. Things left me behind, and just by looking at her, I realized things will never go back to being the same. I have always subconsciously known it, but I just figured that out. Dumbledore, am I to be a criminal on the run for the rest of my life? I don't want this life anymore. I'm beginning to not even want to live anymore."

"Sirius. You can't think that. Did you survive Azkaban to kill yourself? I don't think so."

"But I don't want her to be near to me every day without me seeing her. I don't want to live in that pain. I just don't."

"I understand Sirius. You can be our messenger until we see fit to reveal your true identity."

"Until we see fit?"

"Until we see fit."

  
***

Dumbledore gave me a room in the castle, and a place at the Staff table. He announced me to everyone. He told them I was Daniella Milano, and I was an alum of Hogwarts. He didn't say anymore, but in my head, I was telling myself 'and Sirius' Black fiancee'. He almost called my Daniella Black, I could tell. His exact words were

"And I have great please in announcing that we have a guest at the castle, by the name of Daniella B- I mean Daniella Milano. She may come and sit in on some of your classes, so do not be alarmed. She is just here to learn more, as well as for old time's sake."

As Dumbledore confused my name, I could have sworn that the dog sitting by his feet winced, as though Dumbledore had brought up something the dog didn't want to remember. The dog was looking more familiar every second. And there was something about the eyes....

The next day, I was sitting in the 5th year Gryffindor Potions class. Snape had recognized me, and gave me evil looks throughout the class. And when Dumbledore's dog came in to deliver a message from Dumbledore to Harry, ( which was fairly normal) he just glanced at the dog with disgust and continued teaching. The dog looked at me, and it had a longing in it's eyes. I rubbed my eyes, thinking I must be seeing things, and sure enough, when I opened my eyes again, it looked like a dog.

  
***

I walked into Harry's potions class with a note from me too him. These had become quite regular, we exchanged notes, just as James and I had. He asked me how I was doing, blah, blah, blah, and I told him other things. I told him about me and James, me and Remus, just basically my history. He found it very interesting. My note today read

  
  


You see Daniella Milano at the back of your class? The older one? She was my fiancee. We hadn't set the date yet when I was put away. She testified against me before leaving for America. Dumbledore persuaded her to come back . She doesn't know we are even on the same planet, so don't say anything.

- Snuffles

  
  


Harry glanced at the letter, wide eyed, and his eyes flicked back to Dani. I couldn't help but look too. She still looked as angelic as she had a long time ago. Her blonde hair, all pulled up, her blue eyes shining in the light of the cauldrons, her pale complexion glowing. She caught me looking at her, and I quickly turned away, grabbed Harry's letter and trotted out of the room.

I looked at Harry's response back in Dumbledore's office.

  
  


I thought something like that might have been going on. I also think she might suspect something. Lay Low.

-Harry

  
***

I continued to see the strange dog around the castle , though not as much as before. Something seemed to be telling me in the back of my mind that I knew him, but I chose to ignore it. After all, who knows a dog? Around Christmas time, I went to go visit Dumbledore, and was surprised to hear voices arguing in his office. One of the voices sounded strangely familiar, but i couldn't place it.

"I Have to tell her professor! I can't take this anymore!"

"You will do no such thing"

"I Have too! I can't take this anymore."

"You will have to. Now if you will excuse me, I have to return to my work"

"Fine"

"Please come by later. I should like to talk to you, but I have a lot of work."

There were footsteps coming towards the door now, they were angry sounding. The door was wrenched open, and I found myself looking into the face of Sirius Black. I screamed, and all went black.

  
***

Oh My God. What have I done? I just ran into my ex- fiancee, the one who still believed me a dangerous murderer, and I did it while I was incredibly mad and dangerous looking. She looked at me as if I was the bloody ghost of Christmas past, screamed, and fainted . And now she was lying on one of Dumbledore's sofa's still out cold, and I was as white as a sheet.

"Maybe I should go Professor."

"It will do no good Sirius. She has already seen you."

So it had finally happened. It wasn't exactly the reunion I had expected, but it was something. After a few minutes, her eyelids began to flicker, and I turned my back to her. I could hear Dumbledore ask if she was alright, but half way through, she screamed again.

"What is he doing here?"

"He is here watching over Harry"

  
  


"Ha! He murdered his parents! He tried to murder him! It was all in the Daily Prophet!"

Slowly, I turned around to face her.

He began to turn around, and as he did, I got up, walked across the room, and slapped him across the face.

"How could you Sirius? How could you! Why don't you just kill me here and now so I can see my friends again. The ones you murdered!"

"I didn't murder them." His eyes looked hurt.

"Yes. Yes you did. Don't bother to deny it. I HATE you!"

He gave a half smile. " Don't I know it."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't I know it.... Everybody does. But not Harry, Remus or Dumbledore. They know the truth."

"Then they have been deceived in you. Just like I was."

"Is that honestly what you think?" His voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Yes. I do. What happened to you Sirius? I thought I loved an honest person. I thought I loved someone who loved me back. I guess I was wrong"

And I stormed out of the room . My legs carried me down to the DADA classroom, where Remus was teaching the 5th years. I came in, apologized for interrupting and sat at the back. After 2 minutes I began to cry. Remus looked at me, swore under his breath, then announced "Class Dismissed" . The students got up and left, smiling at their good fortune

"You saw him, didn't you"

"Yes. I went to say Merry Christmas to Dumbledore, and he walked out just as I arrived. We just had a big argument."

"He really is innocent, you know."

"No he isn't. He can't be. For years I dreamed that he was innocent, but now that I see him, I can't believe it. His eyes..."

"They look dead, don't they"

"Yes. Except every time they looked at me, there was a look in his eyes as though he was being tortured."

"Well, the dead look is what you get for spending 12 years in Azkaban. The tortured look is because of you."

"Why?"

"Because you were the only person he thought would believe him. And you are the only one of his old friends that are alive who doesn't. Look, Dani. He is innocent, believe it or not. He switched the secret keeper to Peter. We have proof. WE can offer you all the proof you want, but we can't make you believe him. Only you can do that."

As he walked away, I couldn't help but think of a song that used to be one of my favourites.

  
  


They passed me by

all of those great romances

because of you robbing me

of my rightful chances

  
  


My picture clear

Everything seems so easy

But then u dealt me the blow

one of us had to go

how you hurt me I want you to know

  
  


One of us is crying

one of us is lying

in her lonely bed

staring at the ceiling wishing she was somewhere else instead

  
One of us is lonely

One of us is only waiting for a call

Sorry for herself

Feeling stupid feeling small

Wishing you had never left at all

  
  


I wished my life had been more simple. I wish Sirius had never... had never.. Oh I was so confused. I don't know what he did anymore.  
***

"Padfoot! What did you say to her?"

"Hey moony. I don't know. She took one look at me and fainted, and when she woke up, she started slapping me and yelling . And then she said ' I thought I was in love with someone who loved me back. I guess I was wrong' and then she walked out."

"Padfoot, she knows you loved her. She told me, almost 10 years ago. But she was angry. She was hurt. You can't blame her."

"I know. But she was the one I always thought would believe me"

'I told her that. She started sobbing during my class. I let them all out early."

'Oh Moony, what am I going to do?"

  
***

I sat in my bedroom, looking out at the moon. I now had to believe he was innocent, if Remus said they had proof. Remus never lied. Peter, the secret keeper? It didn't make sense. There came a soft knocking at the door.

"Come in"

The door opened unsteadily, and there stood Sirius Black.

I turned my head away, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his hurt face turn to leave.

"No wait."

"If it's all right."

"So spill. Why are you innocent." My voice was like ice.

"At the last minute, I switched the secret keeper to Peter. I thought Voldermort would never suspect someone like him. That weak talent less thing that the 6 of us had befriended. When I arrived at the Potter's house to make sure everything was alright, it was too late. I saw Lily, dead, cradling the air. And James was crushed my rubble, blood seeping all over the wreckage. I couldn't bear it. They died because of me. Harry had no parents because of me. I was stupid, filled with rage. Instead of going straight to Dumbledore, as i should have done, I went after Peter. The rest is history. I had bought roses to give to you, and I was about to bring them home to you, when I went to check. I left them with James. I hope you don't mind" he chuckled bitterly. " And then I had 12 years to dwell on that day. 12 years. It was torture."

  
I wasn't sure I believed him. He must have noticed.\

'Please Dan, you know I would never kill James and Lily. You know that. You know me."

But do I know him?

"Look, Dan. It's your choice whether you believe me or not. I just thought you knew me better than that. And this hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for me either, believe me."His voice sounded bitter and cold, just as it had the last time I had seen him - over 10 years ago, when I had gotten mad at him.

  
He turned to leave, and all of a sudden, it hit me. He was telling the truth.

I leaped up.

"Wait Sirius!"

He turned around, scarcely daring to believe it. I wrapped him in a hug, and his tense body slowly relaxed.

"Oh Sirius, I missed you do much".

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Reflections : Looking back

Hopelessly Devoted  
  
  
My heart's not the first heart broken  
My eyes aren't the first to cry  
  
  
"Sirius , Remus. It was Sirius."  
"I know. I know Dan."  
"I just - just can't believe it ! It can't be true !"  
"But it is Dan. It is."  
"I know. But - they - have , have to have made a mistake."  
"But they didn't."  
  
  
Not the first to know  
there's no getting over you  
  
  
"No ! You're lying ! They made a mistake ! He's innocent !"  
"Dan ! Let go of it ! He is guilty ! There is nothing you can do !"  
"He left - he left hating me .'  
'He didn't hate you. He bought you roses."  
'How would you know ?"  
"He came over to my house before ... before ..."  
  
  
I know I'm just a fool  
Who's willing  
To sit around and wait for you  
  
  
I'm sorry Remus. I'm sorry. But I have to leave. I can't take this anymore. And maybe I am being a selfish little brat , but there is nothing I can do. Nothing left to do. But this.  
  
  
Dan  
  
  
Remus slid down the wall , the letter clutched in his hands. They were gone. They were all gone. I'm the last one . The only one left.  
  
  
Baby can't you see  
there's nothing else for me to do  
Hopelessly devoted to you  
  
  
"And this is your apartment. Where did you say you were coming from again ?"  
"England ."  
'Would it be too presumptuous to ask why ?"  
"Bad memories."  
'Oh. I see."  
  
  
But now  
there's nowhere to hide  
Since you pushed my love aside  
I'm out of my head  
Hopelessly devoted  
  
  
Dan  
How are you ? It's well , been a year since you left , and I , well , I just wanted to say hi. And to ask you to come back. We all really miss you. Please Dan. Please come back.  
  
  
Re  
  
  
Daniella looked at the letter in her hand , and then tossed it into the flames. That letter was from out of a memory. That life didn't exist any more.  
  
Hopelessly devoted to you  
My head is saying  
Fool forget him  
  
  
Sirius ... Why did you do this ? Were you forced ? Did you do it on your own accord ... Why ? I still can't believe it. No , you are innocent. You are going to be let out of prison. Of course you are ... right ?  
  
  
my heart is saying  
Don't let go  
Hold on till the end  
That's what I intend to do  
  
  
Innocent until proven guilty . Fool. He was already proven guilty. But he is innocent. There is no way he would murder his best friend. No way. But ...  
  
  
Hopelessly devoted to you  
but now there's nowhere to hide  
  
  
Dan , forget him. He is guilty. He doesn't matter anymore. Leave it be.  
She shook her head , trying to clear the thoughts.  
  
  
Since you pushed my love aside  
I'm out of my head  
  
  
Sirius , why did you do this ? Why ? You are guilty . You have to be. It has taken me three long years to realize that , but you are. You lousy , miserable ... No , you aren't worth it.  
  
  
  
  
Hopelessly devoted  
  
  
But still ...  
  
  
Hopelessly devoted to you  



	5. Back To Before Sequel!

Back To Before  
  
Disclaimer : Every HP thing you recognize belongs to JK Rowling. The main song  
  
belongs to RAGTIME the musical. The   
  
song "Slipping Through My Fingers" Belongs to ABBA   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Please read the Authors Note. You need to read for the story to make sense !!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Authors Note : This is the sequel to Memories Can Kill.   
  
The 1ST CHAPTER : MEMORIES CAN KILL is about Sirius in Azkaban. He reminisces  
  
about the life that was, James, and Daniella, his Ex Fianc‚e.  
  
The 2nd CHAPTER : ON MY OWN is about Daniella, living alone in Boston, from her  
  
point of view of what happened so long ago, and her love for Sirius is it still there  
  
? At the end, she discovers that Sirius has broken out of Azkaban.  
  
The 3RD CHAPTER : REUNION is about Daniella coming back to the life she had run  
  
away from 13 years ago She meets Sirius again, and refuses to believe that he is  
  
innocent. Finally, she does, but only after they talk.  
  
The 4TH CHAPTER : LOOKING BACK is about what complled her to leave. It is just  
  
reflections.   
  
THE 5TH CHAPTER IS CONTINUING FROM CHAPTER 3, WHERE THEY MEET AGAIN.   
  
AND NOW! WHAT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! THE STORY!  
  
There was a time  
  
Our happiness seemed never ending  
  
Dani sat in her office, reading a newspaper. She couldn't really understand what had  
  
happened in the past few days, it was all a blur to her now. After 13 long years, she was  
  
home. She was with Remus, her best friend And For some unknown cause, Sirius  
  
had come back into her life. Sirius the prankster. Sirius the Murderer. Sirius who was  
  
innocent. Sirius Her Ex Fiancee. Sirius who had once meant everything in the world  
  
to her. She had tried so hard to forget him, but that hadn't worked. Then she tried to  
  
come to terms with him, and what he did, but that hadn't worked either. She once got  
  
pushed into seeing a shrink by her boss, but she couldn't explain everything. Come on, the  
  
Shrink knows nothing about what once was in her life, her being a witch, about Hogwarts,  
  
about Voldemort, about Azkaban So after one visit, she never came back. Finally, she  
  
just gave in. No matter how much she protested, no matter how much she told herself  
  
she wasn't, no matter how much she wanted to BELIEVE she wasn't, she was. She was  
  
completely, and totally in love with him.   
  
I was so sure  
  
That where we were heading  
  
Was right  
  
That was the hardest thing for her. Because, he had murdered her best friends. Torn her  
  
apart. Ruined her life. But, she guessed, he had been too much a part of her life, to just  
  
forget.  
  
Sirius walked in. She smiled slightly up at him.  
  
"Uh Dan Can we talk for a second?"  
  
Dan put down her newspaper, puzzled.  
  
"Sirius I believe you You don't have to tell me again truly."  
  
"No, it it isn't about that."  
  
"Oh Alright then "  
  
Sirius sat down across from her. His eyes looked sunken and dead. He looked really  
  
nervous, almost sick.  
  
"Uh Dan 13 years ago I was planning on marrying you. But then, unfortunately ,  
  
( he said with a self mocking smile ) I got put in Azkaban."  
  
Dani had no idea where he was going with this.   
  
"And well I mean, I'm sure you don't want to but maybe, I just, well, thought I  
  
would ask, and, I was just thinking and uh Oh, hell. Do you maybe when my name  
  
is cleared uh maybe Wanttomarryme?"  
  
Dan gaped. This was not the Sirius she knew. The Sirius she knew was confident, was  
  
happy, was sure of himself, and everything he did.   
  
"Uh "  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"I thought so. I just Thought I'd ask .. You know."  
  
"I didn't answer."  
  
Sirius looked up from his lap.  
  
"Sirius I don't know. I just don't know. I mean You have to understand it from my  
  
point of view. For the last thirteen years, I have been living alone, friendless, my life had  
  
no point. And oh, Sirius, how I missed you. But I was alone. All alone."  
  
"That was NOT my fault." Sirius said, his eyes blazing.  
  
"I never said it was. But, whoever's fault it was, it doesn't matter anymore. I was alone. I  
  
was scared. I needed you. And you weren't there. Those are the facts. And, well Every  
  
night, I dreamed that you would come back And that we would get married, and you  
  
would be innocent, and and I had so many fantasies about you."  
  
Sirius grinned, the fire gone from his eyes.  
  
"Care to elaborate?" He said, with a ghost of the Sirius I once knew.  
  
"No I'm not done. Well now that you are here, and you are innocent It's a bit  
  
overwhelming. That's why I couldn't believe it."  
  
Life was a road  
  
So certain and straight   
  
And unbending  
  
"And well It's sort of hard to deal with. And too much has happened. I have had to  
  
deal with too much. Sirius Do you have any idea what I have gone through?"  
  
"Oh and I suppose I just sat on a beach did I?' Sirius said, quietly.  
  
"I never said that. But me alone, friendless See, with you, you didn't have a choice.  
  
You were locked up. For me, I did have a choice to communicate But I also didn't  
  
have a choice. It would bring back a life I didn't want to remember. And now you are  
  
here, sitting right in front of me and I just can't seem to deal with the concept  
  
of being able to just, pick up where we " She began to cry softly. "Where we left off   
  
It's Oh God, Sirius It isn't that easy."  
  
"I never said it would be But it might be worth a try."  
  
"Oh Sirius You aren't the person I used to know anymore. You aren't the Sirius I knew.  
  
Not at all."  
  
"What are you saying?" He said, dangerously.  
  
" All I am saying, is that Maybe Maybe it wouldn't work. You were so fun loving, and  
  
not serious, and oh, you and I complemented each other perfectly. But now   
  
Azkaban " She trailed off.  
  
"Look at my eyes. You see that? There is nothing. Nothing. All that is left is blank  
  
ness. If people only saw my eyes, they would think I was dead. You know it, and I know it.  
  
Everyday, in that blasted cell in the middle of no where, you know what I thought of ? I  
  
thought of you. And James. Do you know how hard it is for me? Do you CAN you   
  
even begin to understand ? I'm alone. Alone. I'm destined for a life, where I am completely  
  
alone. I can't go out. I can't marry. I can't do anything. Do you understand that ? I need  
  
my name cleared. And even then When it is cleared. What do you think is going to  
  
happen ? how many people do you think are going to believe ? They have thought, for 15  
  
years almost, that I was a murderer. A traitor. The person who sold the Potters to  
  
Voldemort. And if you marry me I guess it would appear that I can't be all that  
  
bad."  
  
Our little road  
  
With never a crossroad in sight  
  
"Is that all you want ?" She hissed . "The protection of my name ???"  
  
"No. Dani, I love you so much. I don't know what it is going to take to make you see that. I  
  
don't know what. But If you won't have me, there is nothing I can do. Nothing."  
  
"Sirius I love you too. Don't you see that ? But You can't just expect me to cry  
  
wildly, and fall into you're arms and tell you that Everything will be all right and  
  
we'll just pick up where we left off "   
  
But she was crying now.  
  
Sirius grabbed her in a hug, and just held her there. Happy for the moment, with what he  
  
had.  
  
~ Three Months Later ~  
  
Sirius sat at the table in his room in Hogwarts. Dumbledore had given himself and Dan  
  
an apartment hidden in Hogwarts. It was unplottable, as you could enchant some things  
  
to be. Dumbledore was working on his case secretly, searching through Pettigrew's old  
  
things in order to find something. Something . Anything. So far, no luck. He held a cup  
  
of coffee in his hands. He looked at his wife, Daniella. He thought of a song he heard on  
  
Dumbledore's muggle radio.  
  
Sleep in our eyes  
  
Her and me  
  
At the breakfast table  
  
Watching the clock  
  
As the precious time goes by   
  
I watch her go  
  
With a surge of that well known sorrow  
  
And I have to sit for a while  
  
Slipping through my fingers all the time  
  
I try to capture every minute  
  
The feelings in it  
  
Slipping through my fingers all the time  
  
He sighed. Dani looked puzzled, and she looked up.   
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. I just realized something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That I really take everything for granted. I took James for granted. I thought he would  
  
always be there. But he wasn't. I thought you would always be there. I thought the 6 of  
  
us would always be together. You, me, Lily, James, Peter, Remus. And look what's become  
  
of us what's become of us "  
  
Back in the days   
  
When we spoke in civilized voices  
  
Woman in white  
  
Dani didn't know what to do with herself. Or with Sirius. The Sirius she had known and  
  
loved was different. He had been fun loving confident out going but Azkaban  
  
had changed him. And not for the better. Now She still loved him. She had to. She  
  
wouldn't have gotten married to him if she didn't. But She patted her belly. Slightly  
  
swollen. She was expecting a child in 7 months time. Sirius constantly seemed  
  
preoccupied but now, it was even more so. It was January. A year after Harry's  
  
'incident' with the Goblet of fire. Voldemort was on the rise. He was getting a foot hold,  
  
and everyone knew it. There was magical anarchy, as one half of the Ministry was working  
  
tirelessly against Voldemort, while the other half sat back on their haunches and  
  
refused to believe that Voldemort had risen again. Still.  
  
And sturdy young men at the oar  
  
Back in the days  
  
When I let you make all my choices  
  
We can never go back to before  
  
Everyday, the world heard news of new people who had died. New people who were missing.  
  
New people who were tortured, who were caught. And the Dark Mark was constantly up in  
  
the sky. But still, many people sided with Fudge. The works of the Death Eaters. The work  
  
of random lunatics who believed that they were working for Voldemort. But it wasn't  
  
Voldemort. Dumbledore was furious. No he was irate. That day, he made a speech in  
  
the hall over breakfast.   
  
"Last night, we lost another of our students. Colin Creevey."  
  
A murmur spread across the hall. People's faces turned white. Daniella could see, from  
  
her position at the Staff Table, Harry put his head in his hands. Many people were crying.  
  
Even Snape looked remorseful.   
  
"I do not know how you can ignore the fact that Lord Voldemort has indeed risen again.  
  
That is the second student taken from our midst. We have lost many others, some  
  
muggles, some wizards, who were part of our community. No doubt, it is part of some  
  
masterwork plan. The Ministry, well, what is left of it, is appalled that I have been giving  
  
you weekly updates. They refuse to believe that he was risen again. Therefore, everyday,  
  
he is gaining power. Everyday "  
  
Daniella looked at the dog at her feet. It bit her on the foot, nodding towards their  
  
rooms. Daniella whispered a good bye.   
  
"I have to get to class. I will see you after.'   
  
She was teaching Defense Against The Dark Arts. After all, Mad Eye Moody was  
  
currently not leaving his house, after a ten month imprisonment in his own trunk.  
  
Daniella had known from even last year, during Harry's fourth year, that something like  
  
this would happen. Harry's scar hurt then Death Eaters were marching And then  
  
the Dark Mark was up in the sky. She didn't find out about the scar hurting until later  
  
though. She was scared, beyond belief. Voldemort had risen in their 6th year, at the end.  
  
And it was looking as it had all those years ago. Her happiest time was from the first  
  
year at Hogwarts, until then. Everyone was so carefree, and fun, and unworried. But then  
  
Everything changed. But not Sirius. He was still the fun loving guy that he always  
  
was. Dani found herself in love with him, even more than ever. But now She could never  
  
go back to before.   
  
There was a time  
  
My feet were so solidly planted  
  
You'd sail away  
  
While I had my back to the sea  
  
She had loved Sirius so much, it was like a dull constant ache. Everytime he would turn  
  
around, at date someone else, not seeing what was in front of him, she would sit. And  
  
wait for him. But she couldn't bear to look. Finally he 'noticed' her. Finally. And she  
  
had been so absorbed by him, that, in fourth year, when he asked her out, she almost  
  
said no. She learned that he was one of the most fun loving, happy people she had ever  
  
met. She could never understand why the Slytherins hated him so much. He had more  
  
charm than should be allotted to one man. Her and Lily, James and Sirius. Both Sirius  
  
and James proposed to them, and they were planning on being married on the same day.  
  
But then, Sirius and Dani decided to hold off for a bit, and Lily and James got married.  
  
Then they had a kid. Dani and Sirius still decided to wait. A year later, they were  
  
planning. The same year, Lily and James died, and Sirius got sent to Azkaban, and  
  
nothing would every be the same. Ever.   
  
~*~  
  
When she got to class, people were bombarding her with questions.   
  
"Do you know if Colin's brother died ?"  
  
"What's going on ???"  
  
"Will Dumbledore protect us?"  
  
"We are all going to die !"  
  
" Will you SHUT UP!"  
  
Daniella raised her hands. Everything quieted down.   
  
"Now listen to me. I have not been told anything about Colin Creevey's unfortunate  
  
death. I am not able to answer any questions at this time, aside from that Dumbledore  
  
will do everything in his power to protect you, and No, we are not all going to die. I  
  
survived Voldemort's last reign, I am living proof that we did not all die. And neither will  
  
you. Now We have to get back to our studies. As you know, last year, Mad Eye Moody  
  
taught you how to fight the Unforgivables. In this new term, we will be learning how to do  
  
them. I have been instructed by Dumbledore to teach you, just as I was taught all those  
  
years ago. Now please pull out your text books, and look over the incantations, and we  
  
will do some hands on practice in a minute. Harry you told me something was wrong  
  
with your text book. Will you please come up here?"  
  
Harry picked up his text book, not exactly remembering that he had said anything was  
  
wrong but oh well.  
  
"Hello Harry. Are you alright?" Said Professor Milano, under the context of examining his  
  
text book.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"I have a question to ask you. Does Sirius normally become stressed and,  
  
distracted and oh, I don't know under pressure?"  
  
"Uh I am guessing so. But Why ?"  
  
"Well, he is acting weird. And Oh, Harry I feel so awful "  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I don't know Oh my Harry, I'm telling you this, for some reason 13 years ago, he  
  
was different. He was fun loving, was happy, and now he's cynical, worried "  
  
"He did go to Azkaban, you know."  
  
Harry had a bit of an icy tone to his voice.  
  
"Oh Harry, please don't get mad at me."  
  
"I'm not I just think that Well, Sirius has had a lot of pain in his life, and I doubt he  
  
would like that."  
  
'I just Harry I just , am finding it hard to just pick up, and continue on where we  
  
left off."  
  
The fire in Harry's eyes died.  
  
"I understand. Are you going to tell Sirius ?"  
  
"I don't know, Harry. I just don't know."  
  
I was content  
  
A princess asleep and enchanted  
  
If I had dreams  
  
Then I let you dream them for me  
  
"Uh Sirius Can I talk to you for a second ?"  
  
"Sure "  
  
"Well, Sirius 13 years ago, I was in love with you. 13 years ago. And I was always  
  
thinking about you. And, I guess, I thought I was still in love with you. But I'm not  
  
anymore. And Oh, I don't know. Sirius do you understand ? I have been hurt too  
  
much by you."  
  
"Excuse me ? I HURT you ? I was thrown into Azkaban, when I was innocent, and you are  
  
accusing me of HURTING you ???"  
  
"Sirius, I was alone in Boston for 13 years. 13 years. Because I was too afraid of being  
  
hurt again, I wouldn't let myself. And, yes, you did hurt me."  
  
Back in the days  
  
When everything seemed   
  
So much clearer  
  
Sirius stood up above her.  
  
"No, you listen to me now. I thought of you every day for years, and you accuse me of  
  
hurting you ? You marry me, and then tell me that   
  
"Oh, sorry, I'm not in love with you? Hope you don't mind !' no, Dani. Things don't work like  
  
that. If you didn't love me, why didn't you tell me ? I mean Just Grow UP ! So   
  
are you just going to spring this on me now? When you are PREGNANT ? I mean "  
  
He turned around and grabbed his hair in frustration.   
  
Women in white  
  
Who knew what their lives had in store  
  
Where are they now  
  
Those women who stare from the mirror  
  
We can never go back to before  
  
"Don't you get it Sirius ? I love you ! But not like that. Not anymore. Not anymore. I  
  
guess I thought I did. I wanted to so much. And oh Don't you understand ? Am I  
  
just supposed to pick it up ? Just, fall in love with you again ? Life isn't that easy. Life is  
  
struggle. Accept it. Heaven is paradise. James is there. In heaven. He isn't struggling  
  
anymore. You will get there one day. But now, you are on earth. And you have to learn to  
  
deal with it. "  
  
There are people out there  
  
Unafraid of tomorrow  
  
Unafraid to be weak  
  
Unafraid to be strong  
  
"I used to be scared, scared of you. Can you believe it ? Scared of the person I was in love  
  
with ? And oh Everytime you went out with someone else, I would sit here, and look  
  
at you, hope for the day you would finally glance in my direction, finally notice what was  
  
in front of you. But you didn't. I waited for 3 years. 3 years for you. And then, finally, you  
  
did. Doubtless, you were just trying to I don't know. And, I would like to think that you  
  
fell in love with me along the way. You were the one for me. You were my soul mate. And  
  
you always will be."  
  
There was a time  
  
When you were the person in motion  
  
I was your wife  
  
It never occurred to want more  
  
"If I'm your soul mate, then why the bloody hell don't you love me?"  
  
"Because !" She yelled right back.  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"I don't know ! Do you understand ? I DON"T KNOW ! But, you know what? That's the way  
  
it is. Accept it. Sirius, you were always my comfort. And, aside from Remus, you are all I  
  
have left in the world. I am not going to let something like that go completely. You are  
  
still one of my best friends. You and Remus. And DO you want a marriage without a  
  
person you can't live without?"  
  
You were my sky  
  
My moon and my stars  
  
And my ocean  
  
"I can't live without you " He said, through his fingers.  
  
"Yes you can."  
  
"Oh, come on Dan. You know I can't."  
  
"And you know That I just can't go back It isn't that easy And your name will  
  
be cleared And you can get on with your life Sirius You're the best friend I have  
  
left in the world "  
  
But Sirius wasn't listening.  
  
"No, Dani. I won't accept it. You and James were the most important things in my life.  
  
And James is gone. That leaves you. And you are just about to to walk out, and leave  
  
me alone. Fine. If that's what you want to do, do it. I can't stop you. But understand  
  
this. I love you. I always have, I always will. But, if you leave that door, don't bother  
  
coming back."  
  
We can never go back to before  
  
We can never go back   
  
To before   
  
( DUH DUH DUH : WHAT WILL DANI CHOOSE ? Sirius or happiness ? Tune in next  
  
time ! PLEASE REVIEW ! ) 


End file.
